Life Starts Now
by DontLeave
Summary: Nine years of living with an overprotecting family was all it took for her to lose herself and start her life as a rebellious teenager. Will Jacob's love be enough for her to end her hurting or is it too late for compromises? Story better than review.
1. Chapter 1

_Hey! It's my first story here, it's a R/J story, because I'm a huge fan and I've been reading fan fictions on this site from a long time ago. So I decided to finally write a story myself and I am aware that I'm not really good, so please be kind. :)_

_I do not own anything but the plot and the crappy writing. :P  
_

**Chapter 1**

I was born with the wrong sign  
In the wrong house  
With the wrong ascendancy  
I took the wrong road  
That led to the wrong tendencies  
I was in the wrong place at the wrong time  
For the wrong reason and the wrong rhyme  
On the wrong day of the wrong week  
I used the wrong method with the wrong technique.

There's something wrong with me chemically  
Something wrong with me inherently  
The wrong mix in the wrong genes  
I reached the wrong ends by the wrong means.

_ -"Wrong", Depeche Mode. _

"Renesmee, you're not wearing that dress!" my mother's voice sounded so exigent and severe, something she isn't, or at least wasn't a very few years ago. I had to swallow hard and take a deep breath to prevent a sigh from slipping through my pink and chapped in some parts.

"Why not?" I asked, my voice sounding drier that I wanted it to be. Though, it might as well show my anger, which my father often told me to control, after all, I was the one who lived in a house full of immortal and sleepless people. It was worse than a prison sometimes. _Screw you, _I thought bitterly when I caught my father's eyes fixing me. If he likes searching through my head, then he won't like what he finds there.

"Because you're going to your grandfather, Charlie, not a strip club!" her loud and stern tone echoing into my restless mind.

"What .did. you .just. say?" I breathed out, feeling my anger pulse into my blood, through my veins, along with my accelerated heart beats. They often criticized me for the things I liked, music I listened, Jacob… I always had to do as the bloodsuckers said , even though I didn't agree the most times.

"I said I don't want my father to see my daughter look like a whore." She said, smiling brightly at me, only causing me disgust. I've heard that many teenage girls had problems with their families, but THIS was just too much. I gave my father a death glare. _How come when I fight with mom, you always take her side on every single thing I say, but when it comes to me, NO, you let her call me a slut and bring me down. Alright. _I thought boldly, hoping that he could read the pain through my thoughts.

"_, Thank you for being a supportive dad. And _really? Well, what if I want to? Does my opinion count?" my voice jumped higher. "OF COURSE IT DOESN'T! It's always about you and your own fucking ways of seeing things, everything should be seen through your eyes, through your perspective! It's never me! I wish you didn't give birth to me!" I didn't realize how loud my screams were until my whole family entered the little house I left in. I looked at my mother's expression and it was just as bold and angry as before. Maybe even angrier.

"Sometimes, I wish that I wasn't this stupid human that pathetically dreamed of a nice, beautiful girl to love! I wish that **Jacob **and your father convinced me to kill you, you little demon!"

I froze, feeling the blood flush into my cheeks. I knew my parents didn't want me at first; and it's not a huge surprise that they don't like me anymore, when I had my break downs, I was pretty bitchy, but Jacob? My Jake?... I guess I had nobody. Nobody loved me. Nobody wanted me to sit next to them, hug them, love them. I've never been the optimistic girl with the beautiful, bright dreams and thoughts, but I've never seen myself this way. But maybe I was made to be alone. This monster, a creature that deserves to drown in her own ocean of endless tears and be forgotten, nobody remembering this stupid child I was.

"Bite me." I whispered to my father, whose expression changed, suddenly, from anger to… mercy? Pain?

"BITE ME!" I screamed, pain affecting my loud voice. "Kill me! I offer myself, drain me and leave me to rot in a place, exiled from the rest of the world. Go ahead, I know you want to get rid of me, so why don't you just do it now!" my voice got quiet because of the tears that were now falling, faster and faster and I wasn't able to stop them from blurring my vision.

Seeing that I wasn't going to hear their perfect voices answer me , in a swift motion, I burst through the main door, forcing my legs to move fast. Faster than they ever did, at least. Running was a good idea, but since I am half human, I will get weak and stop. But for now, the only thing I was going to focus on was running far away. A few days away won't kill them… me neither.

When my sight got darker, I realized I was in the woods, a place I wasn't allowed to go into without _somebody _that had to take care of me while I hunted. I wasn't exactly alone, it was me and my own misery, a thing I had to get used to. That's what you get when you're just a mistake of two young idiots fucking like rabbits. They got pleasure and I'm left here, cursed to live in this hell with these devils spying on me every minute of my life.

A sudden curiosity made me stop and look back, secretly hoping to find my desperate family running after me, only to be more let down. Nobody was following me but the damned shadow of mine. My insides were on fire as I grabbed a medium-sized rock and I threw it just below a tree. I watched it as it knocked down a tree branch, a frightening sound filling my body with unpleasant shivers running down my spine, through my hands and legs. I stood still and my eyes watched the little rock with caution. My fists were clenched as more tears rolled down my rose-colored cheeks. My legs gave in and I collapsed, on my knees and palms, my breathing slow and hard and unsteady heart beats. A delicious smell intoxicated my mind, something so different from what I knew, and I realized I was not alone.

"Well hello there, beautiful girl!" a hoarse manly voice yelled. That man was probably drunk.

"Hey."

I got up, brushing the dirt off my white clothes as the three humans got closer to me and to be honest, they were no trouble. For me, at least. The first one was taller than the others, big, green eyes and a warm smile, even though his eyes screamed something different to me. The other one had blond, curly hair and icy blue eyes, with a less build up body than the first and the third one had black hair and black eyes. He reminded me of…

"What are you doing here, in this scary wood, where many bad things could happen to you?" I noticed he accentuated the word "bad", but I tried not to think about it. Too much, at least.

"Taking a walk. I'm more of a dangerous girl." I spoke, discreetly wiping the tears from my eyes.

"Oh, we like dangerous." The blond one winked at me, a wicked smile spreading on his bloody lips. His eyes were slightly red, but it didn't matter, they looked so shiny and bright. He gave the tallest one a high five and they laughed a little. Such a funny group, I can say.

"So, what about you? What's with you in the woods?" I asked, smiling a little smile, just to give them a good impression of me. Honestly, they were the only people I've ever met on my own, not family-related or anything like that and they seemed like a bunch of awesome guys. And since I needed some friends to spend my time with, it wasn't a bad idea. Not at all.

"Uh, you see, we were doing some E, probably some Coke too." The black eyed man grinned.

"Coke? The juice?"

They laughed in unison, fact that made me feel even more awkward and confused than before. What were they talking about? They couldn't be…

"Oh." I finally said catching up with them.

"Wanna have your first trippy? Come on, it's fun. " he insisted, looking so excited and happy and I just couldn't resist. After all, I'm half vampire. It won't do me lots of harm and I took the first step on a different path, different from the one I've been stuck on because of my relatives. I can finally do whatever I want to…

"Okay. But can you at least introduce yourself? " I forced myself to talk, and as soon as I did, I felt the blood boil into my cheeks.

"Well, I'm Brandon." The blue eyed man smiled at me. "I am—" but the black eyed man interrupted him.

"Nah, girly, we have no time for names, although it would be such an honor to know yours. Only if you want to, of course. "

"It's…Renesmee." I swallowed hard as soon as his eyes looked into mine. "Ruh-nez-may." I spelled out, figuring out that they were a bit confused by the pronunciation. "My parents are two idiots, and they were trying to have fun while giving me this fucking horrible name." I said, rolling my eyes and I heard them laugh.

"No. It's…beautiful. But we'll call you Ren, righty? " Brandon said, grinning. "Now, with what should we start, mi amore?" he imitated an Italian accent, which clearly didn't end up too well. I had to giggle at that.

"Let's start with the cocaine." I gulped, fear giving me a silly sensation of numbness inside, but I pushed it away, considering the fact that I wanted to be treated like an adult, not some silly little baby. I wanted to be carefree, headstrong and rebellious and this is my change. The only I might get in a whole life.

"Take this."

The green eyed man threw me a little package, the white paper wrapped messily into a little ball and it landed perfectly, in my very pale and thin hands. Barely using my fingertips, I softly rip it in two, revealing the white Cocaine, soft as the dust, but from what I've heard, it can get you in There. Never done this before, but since I just ended my , there has to be a start in something new. It was a once in a life time moment, where I could do whatever I wanted, without my cranky family of vampires spying over me. Life starts now.

They said it was for my own protection, but to be honest, I'd rather get killed the day after tomorrow than have to take their annoyingly beautiful voices raise at me.

"Ren, I have second thoughts about this. I don't want to harm you in any kind of way… This can cause addiction." Brandon spoke to me, his shiny eyes filled with fear and anxiety, kicking the ground with his skinny legs.

"I'm sure. I want to have fun, but if you don't, no worries." I said, smiling at him, but it turns out I was as nervous as he was.

It was the first time I unleashed my inner reckless side. All these nine years I've lived I was the little good girl with big brown eyes that always listens her family's advice and wears preppy clothes, but tonight, it will all change. Once, and for all.

"You ready?" he whispered, his voice too weak to go any louder, barely audible, even for me because of their laughing.

"Yeah."

With my hands shaking a little, I brought it to my nose and I sniffed it a little. I choked, but swallowed hard, telling myself that this happens to everybody new in this domain. I took another sniff, this time harder and I managed to inhale it without any problem. It was very exciting, but also disappointing. Wasn't I supposed to see crazy things that normally I shouldn't and laugh so bad I pass out? Either way, I inhaled more and I started feeling a little bit dizzy.

"What's wrong, babe? Too much from Sebastian ?" He winked at me, less tenser than before, from what I could sense. "Ah, that's my name." he laughed hard and bit his lip, bringing a pill to his lips. Unwillingly, I moved closer to him and I looked straight into his eyes.

"Let's see what you got." I smirked and leaned in, for a kiss. I lost any kind of shyness and pressed my lips against his. It was my first kiss, and it wasn't exactly what I imagined and neither was the person I imagined having it with. But I wasn't going to step back and embarrass myself, so I moved my lips against his roughly.

He started kissing back and the little pill danced in our mouths, around our wet tongues, slowly diluting . Shaky moans made their way out of my throat as he pushed his tongue into my mouth more and I could feel my insides tensing when I heard the other's cheers. His hands moved from my hips to my butt and I shivered, hoping that nobody noticed my nervousness. His thumbs massaged my skin through the expensive white material of my pants and my hands tugged his short hair roughly. We broke away for a second, to catch our breaths and I was greeted by the deep dark eyes of Jacob.

"What's wrong, baby?" his smooth voice made my heart seethe and fill with a sudden joy I thought I wouldn't feel. "Don't you want to kiss me?" he purred, his intense black eyes bringing fog upon my already crazy thoughts .

"How did you get here?" I whispered, amazed.

"I was here all the time, babe." He smiled, his smooth, brown lips revealing his pearly white teeth. Every time I saw him joyful, my heart skipped hundreds of beats and I felt like I was alive. Like everything that happened didn't really matter, as long as he was there, next to me, protecting me…loving me. Frantic screams of my mother echoed into my mind, of her saying the stuff she said and I could feel tears fill up in my eyes again. His right thumb immediately wiped away the only tear rolling down my cheek and he kissed it.

"What's wrong, darling?"

"I thought you didn't love me. I thought you were gone…away from me. It's just…surreal." I breathed, amazed and euphoric.

My lips shyly moved against his and he put his left hand under my chin, to support my face. I was so happy right now that after I ended this kiss, I could die and float through the Sealand, it wasn't such a loss if I ended my life in his arms.

His lips moved to my ear and his teeth grazed it softly. I let out a little whimper, pleasure and pain hitting a button that sent me in Heaven. His hands traveled up and down on my body and stopped on my thighs. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to control a scream as he rubbed his thumb against my most sensitive part of body. I let my head fall between my shoulders and he used his other hand to lift my head up, make me look him in the eyes and passionately kiss. He stopped the massage and I sighed, disappointed, but he opened the button of my pants, slowly tugging them down.

Suddenly, I felt him break away from me and a heart wrenching scream escaped from his throat. I could feel the fear grow bigger and stronger inside of me. Who could even dare to harm my dear Jacob? I tried getting up, but the images were so hazy and blurred that I lost my balance and fell back, crashing hard against the cold ground. I let out a long, but silent moan, I think I just broke one bone, but my mind was stuck on Jacob and the rude way we got interrupted.

I heard a pained , angry howl and I realized that the person I almost gave my innocence to was not the one I thought I'd give it to. But now, it was too late to regret. My eyes shut in pain as soon as I saw the foggy, but still heart breaking image of the huge, russet wolf looking at me with such loving and devoted eyes it hurt. If my heart had a face, it would be crying rivers hysterically, planning to never ever stop until it drowned into a deep lake of pain…


	2. Chapter 2

Hello, I'm the lie

Living for you,

So you can hide.

Hello – Evanescence

The sounds of the endless rain crashing down from the leaden, melancholic clouds was music for my ears, my hurting, anxious heart of mine being thrown under a bittersweet sensation of numbness. It was like a superficial wound, which would probably heal by the dawn and the pain will probably vanish away within minutes. For me , it started this way and with time, it got worse…

Flawless, musical voices mumbled quietly words I couldn't manage to understand, sounding slightly restless and hurting, like an angel that just got stabbed right into his chest, through its fragile, porcelain skin, its warm and delicate breathing slowing down from a sudden. The icy blue eyes shutting slowly and everything disappearing into the silence, the unknown swallowing you fast before you could even figure out what exactly is going on .

"How could you say that to your daughter?" a masculine hoarse voice broke the ice, his yelled words echoing into my head. A strange, empty feeling rumbled in my stomach as memories clouded up my already confused mind. His deep, black eyes pierced through my scarred heart, the love and hate I felt for him right now smashing into me with a surreal strength. Since the very first day I was brought onto this world, I felt love for him and over the years, the innocent love developed into something more. I hated him for… Why and how could I hate somebody like him? Because disturbing things happened years ago, before I was born? I couldn't change anything.

"I know." Another familiar voice said, barely audible. Thank goodness I was fifty-fifty. "I lost my self control, I don't know what I've done wrong…" the soft voice sang, in a sad melody. " My love for her has no boundaries and it all happened because of my new werewolf temper. Words cannot express how regretful I am."

From a sudden, flames lit up inside of me, my eyes wide open. I held one hand against my chest because I could feel my heart beat furiously, ready to jump out of me from its incredible speed. It wasn't surprise or pain, obviously. The woman's voice was the reason to my outburst, to my awakening. Everything was just right until the devil had to pull me out of my comfortable numbness.

My eyes wandered around, my breathing was unsteady as I examined all the porcelain faces around me, their golden eyes watching me with caution, as if I was going to die right away. Without thinking twice, about the consequences or anything about their reaction, my dry mouth opened up and spoke up, sounding more broken and sore than I expected it to be.

"It's not like I'm going to run away again. I won't be able to break though your tough supernatural asses ." A smirk spread on my lips as soon as I pronounced the words, very clearly, to my surprise.

"Renesmee…" my father's silky voice warmed my heart up a little. " Don't you even dare to joke about such horrific moments. We thought, for a second that we lost you. Do you think, as a father, that I would allow myself to live with the fact that my daughter ran away from me and died?" I've never seen or heard my father unleash his inner human side so much The misery in his eyes softened into a pitiful one, probably when he read my thoughts. _Damn this system. _I thought, only half-joking.

The eight graceful silhouettes stood so still they looked so much like those flawless statues. I had to bite my bottom lip roughly to prevent a scream form escaping my lips when things suddenly started to get blurry and the edges of my view were boldly pulsing. Edward must have heard my thoughts- or the images flashing in an aggressive way, each time hurting more, as if somebody smashed me against an unbreakable wall a thousand times.

"Carlisle, she's hurting." He hissed fiercely. "Give her something! Now!"

I winched a little when I felt a long needle break through my skin and I closed my eyes and realized I was holding my breath all the time. I exhaled sharply as a few more injections with a soothing substance, morphine probably, stopped the fire from burning everything. Right now, my mind was covered with gray, cinder clouds and I could not remember anything before my worst head ache. I was going to get some answers when I got up and I relaxed, falling into a satin black ocean of silence…

_My feet numbly took a few steps forward as my eyes traveled around...nothing. It was so silent I could hear my heart beats echo into my head and with every step I walked the more I was drowned into confusion. I wasn't looking for names or locations, I just wanted to know what was going on right now. As the questions were now boldly screaming for an answer, a weak flame appeared in my right .Stepping slowly and carefully, I reached in front of the fire and I studied the image in front of my eyes. Through the ashes and flames, a russet wolf was growling at a medium-height girl, who didn't seem to mind it. Its eyes were studying her carefully, looking ready to jump into a fight. The wolf sniffed the air a little, visibly irritated by something and before I could do anything, it jumped over the girl. And the girl was actually …_

Muffed screams sent unpleasant shivers down my spine, but discomfort wasn't the only thing on my mind. Who was the person that screamed? What if somebody was in trouble, or what if the Volturi…

A pair of slightly hotter arms wrapped around me, whispering to me calm, loving words and then I realized I was worried for myself. A sudden bitter disgust for my own person burnt on the tip of my tongue, I am so full of selfishness. I can't figure out why does my heart still matter to them, my self-esteem was so high it was ridiculous. And still, I couldn't regret the things I've done, I needed an escape to the real world, not this fairytale they tried making me believe I was in.

That awkward, tingling sensation came back into my stomach as soon as I realized I was in his arms. He was one of the many reasons I felt like I was a living pile of crap with eyes, I know I don't deserve such an amazing man, but the idea of him getting married to some stuck up blue-eyed bitch – a very beautiful one, and have his children was just too much for me to accept . My body went numb as his pained but sweet voice whispered in my ear.

"I love you."

He has told me many times that he loves me, and now that I grew up, those idiotic feelings would grow bigger and I will experience a hell of a heartbreak The tingling sensation was almost always there and so was he, since the day I was born. I hated the fact that I've fell for him so badly because I knew there was no chance he would notice me. I've tried multiple times and- nothing but awkward moments of silence and friendly moves. I hated myself even more because I could not stand a chance to many women of the world who would die for him. _Leah, _I dreadfully thought the name of that person. She might be his life mate, since both haven't imprinted yet and _feel like they're completing each other's empty souls. _I nodded, shivers running down my spine at the creepy sensation and broke away from the cold damned hug we just shared.

My eyes wandered around and stopped at the door, expecting it to open, which it did. My parents were the first ones to gracefully step into the room, followed by the others. They were just glancing at me, pretending to look at the dark blue walls covered with old drawings of mine. I hated breaking the silence, but enough was enough.

"I'm sorry. " my voice sounded so weak and sick and a fire lit up in my throat. An intense want grew into me I wanted to scream out loud. Instead of letting them reply, I continued. " I know I acted silly and rebellious, but I needed it. You and your overprotecting maternal feelings provoked me, all these years it grew stronger and stronger and I couldn't hold back anymore. "

Surprisingly, my mother continued.

"My beautiful daughter, I am truly sorry for the hurtful words I've said to you, no words can express the regret that's living and burning inside of my cold body." Her darker orange eyes screamed her feelings from a hundred miles away. Dad nodded sadly and his voice trembled a little.

" Carlisle, is it possible that she feels the need? Did those fatal substances she consumed reach their goal? " More silence. " How can it be possible to ruin her vampire immunity? How? "

I sat down on my bed and tried to ignore their voices staring at the perfect white ceiling. Its beautiful, complicated details blended perfectly with the black and white pictures of mine and the big windows wide open, a cold, refreshing air giving this place an intimae aspect which I loved. Though, the thoughts escaped from the box I've decided to close them into and try to never look at them ever again. Could it be possible I am becoming an addict? Will I be able to control myself, someday, if I do? Multiple questions lingered into my head , coming back into an uncontrollable and annoying rhythm, giving me heart ache that was growing stronger as the seconds passed.

I felt so tired and the flame into my throat grew stronger as my eyes turned back to the other part of the room, now empty. Except from him. He glanced at me with a pitiful look and his long legs were about to swiftly jump from my window. My tongue moved so fast and my words sounded so suffering , but I decided to forget about details.

"Jake, please don't leave. I need you. " I whispered, but it was enough to stop him from going. His melancholic eyes were a river of cried tears in which you could easily lose yourself into, still you felt amazing while you were drowning. His teeth slightly grazed his bottom lip, reddening it a little. I put my hand under his chin and he lowered himself. My heavy breath stopped in my burning throat as soon as our noses touched . I closed my eyes and deeply inhaled his sweet scent as his right hand took mine in his, stroking my skin with his soft fingertips. All I could feel right now was the chills electrifying my body, still I felt so numb, but the numbness ended as soon as his hot lips pressed against mine.

Our mouths danced along the frantically accelerated rhythm of our lips, his hands slowly and teasingly moving from my chin, to my shoulders, down my hips... We slowed down for a millisecond and his tongue licked my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I instantly opened my mouth and his tongue went a little on my throat, close to the place that was aching. I moaned, his kiss completing the empty part of my soul, at least for a few seconds.

It took me a while to realize I was kissing the person I loved the most. I am kissing Jacob. He is kissing back. God gave me wings I didn't fly with until now. I can finally start my life the way I should have and everything will be alright, finally. I didn't really care if my family was under the same roof, it was only about me. I was selfish and happy about it, now that I got the person I was fighting for.

My fingertips ran over his muscular stomach and from a sudden, he pulled away, as if he just saw a fire.

"J-Jake, what's wrong?" my voice was shaky and breathless, a pretty bad mix because I doubted he heard me.

"I should have never…I'm sorry Renesmee. This never happened." He said and he jumped, without giving me the chance to answer or even react. He left me there, looking at the wall like a hypocrite.

Bursting through my door, my dad looked angrier than ever. Wait, why was _he _mad? Have I done anything wrong, except breaking my own heart again? I don't think so, since I never really socialized or even met humans.

"That ass. I'm going to kill him!" he yelled, his nostrils scrunching hard as he breathed out, something only visual for vampires.

"You stay exactly where you are and close that fucking mouth! You're not going to do anything to me, that would hurt me more than anything in this world!" my voice was so high I thought I was going to blow up the house. " THIS is life! SHIT happens!" I ended and started running.

In my way, mom caught me and pulled me into a forced hug. I tried my best to pull away, but only to fail as she brought me to dad. I bit my lip furiously and the feeling of his warmth against my mouth made me feel cold and lonely. _Stop this, _I scolded myself. _You are only hurting yourself more. It's not worth it._ I stood silent, looking into my father's eyes until I managed to whisper a few words out, controlling the tears that were about to fall from my eyes.

"Can I sleep in the woods? I need some time… by myself. Nothing reckless." I said, dropping my head.

"I don't know…"

_Please._

"It's not safe, Ness. You know what happened when we let you run away. We've got an addiction to get rid off now."

_Thanks for reminding me, _I thought, feeling the pain burn into my throat again. And the calming feeling he gave me…

The corners of his mouth lifted up and I felt better. A little better, at least.

"Thanks, dad. " I sighed, hugging him.

"Goodnight honey… If you need us, just…we'll be there, alright?" my mother's usual words. Cheesy, but right now, I felt just fine with her comforting words. I nodded and hugged her more. "I didn't mean the things I've said to you, Renesmee. You are my only child and my love for you is endless. I love you. " she coldly, but emotionally breathed into my ear and to answer her, I hugged her more.

I jumped out the window, stepping over his barely visible footprints and I stopped for a second just where they disappeared. Another sharp breath of oxygen made me shiver as I sit down in the place I used to sleep with Jacob, when I looked like a five year old. I remember pulling his hair and biting his neck and a single tear rolled down my face. Those innocent days of mine were gone and here I was, crying over him. I missed his warm hugs and kisses on the cheek, the games we've played and smart jokes we shared and of course, the normal tones we used to speak with. And now, I wasn't even speaking, just sitting alone and hurting myself. If he doesn't feel the same way about me why would he even kiss me? Does he enjoy seeing me suffer and my condition worsen as the days flew by?

_At east I have my family to love me._

I've kept this sentence in my mind and I let the tears roll down my cheeks. It was the only thing I could do now and feel like I mean something. My eyes managed to close before the sun would climb up the sky and radiate happiness. I struggled to find myself lost into a restless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

_HELLO AGAIN!_

_I'd just like to thank my devoted readers/ reviewers , littlewinter and luv2beloved, you surely know how to bring a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. I was actually surprised to see the word "like" and "impressed" in your reviews and I must admit, I did an acceptable job, at least compared to the first one, it ended like an epic fail. And since I don't want to bore you much, I just wanted to say thank you one more time :)_

_I don't own anything. Not Twilight, not the bad ass Seether song. Not Jacob, nor Renesmee. And if I did, I'd lock them in a cage and force them to reproduce. :P  
_

Well the tongue inside my mouth is not for sale  
Any spirit left in me is fading fast  
Could you throw another stone to ease my pain?  
Could you throw another stone to seal my fate?  
I don't believe in this world anymore, anymore  
I don't believe in me

Goodbye cruel world.

-Tongues, Seether.

_The cold wind blew at an incredible speed as the little frozen raindrops hit me numerous times in my face. My muscles seemed to just miss, I couldn't feel them at all. I couldn't feel anything but the adrenaline rushing through my boiling blood and the dumb feeling called fearlessness. All these months I've spent tasting the freedom, trying the waters, but now it was the time to take it all. It would either save me from the diabolic eternity I was forced to live or I would just end up choking on my own misery, into the pile of problems that have no solving. _

_I brought the bottle to my mouth again and I took a larger sip of the unbelievable curing drink and my tongue danced around it, ,tasting better than before . I swallowed a massive amount, holding my breath. My eyelids hid my boring brown eyes as tears fell as if they were strung and my mind was suddenly put under complicated spells, behind a stone barrier. The world seemed to end there._

_A shook of my head was all it took for me to wake up, back on the rooftop of this incredibly tall building, in New York. I took a step forward and I noticed that I slipped, almost hitting the ground. I tried telling myself to stop, but it was worthless. Unwillingly, my shaky hand grabbed a wall situated next to the edge of it and got up. Holding my right hand against the cold, rigid wall, my head moved to the left. Erratic shiny lights blinded me with an extraordinary euphoria and I let out a soft giggle. My smoky, husky voice made me feel disgusted about myself, the animal I have become and I knew from the start that I couldn't stop this hollow shadow from taking over me._

_I gave a soft push to the surface I was keeping my balance against and I stepped on the higher part of the edge, only inches separating me from inexistent gravity. Holding the bottle tight, with both of my hands, I moved my feet forward again and I actually felt vain here, above the world._

"_Who the fuck gives a damn about what I think. NOBODY EVER DID!" I yelled like a mad person, only to be accompanied by the annoying sounds of a traffic on a normal winter night in this huge city. Tears fell faster as painful sentences echoed into my head. _

_Nobody loves you. Just look at yourself, you pathetic little bitch and you'll get the proof to my words. You are meant to end up in the ashes and so nobody will ever remember your existence. Not like they do right now, anyways…._

"_Renesmee! ." A deafening scream from the voice that's been haunting my dreams woke me up from my trance. I dropped the bottle and it immediately disappeared from my sight. My heart was racing. " Renesmee, I love you, please don't do this… Don't hurt me this way." His voice weakened towards the end, sounding as if he was crying. Just the image of his bright face, who could radiate happiness and light even on my darkest days, tear strained, his bottom lip quivering with fear, praying that everything would be alright stabbed a sharp knife in my empty chest, it was just too much to face. _

_I didn't have enough strength to look him in the eyes because I knew I'd most likely end up in giving up, just like I always did, compromising my wants with things that could keep me off for a while._

"_All I needed was some love but now… it's too late." I breathed, trying to not break._

_Since the day I was born, I was a painful-dying flower, still the day of rotting never came. Red petals were slowly turning black, thorns become weaker, the image blurring as the seconds passed by and now it was too late to save the color in life. Happiness is an unknown term to me now._

_I jumped in the nothingness inside and I waited for my end to come as soon as I smashed, just like a fly, against the ground…._

For a second, the oxygen seemed to miss from the reality I woke up in.

My body trembled urgently and I moved one hand up, to check if my body was intact. Besides the strange, irritating smell of mold in my nostrils and soothing texture of mud under my fingertips and nails, I was alright. I lift it up and put on my forehead, sweat beads mixed with tears rolling down my face. My heart beats no longer seemed frantic, but satanic, sounding like drums they used during sacrifices. A slight glance at the cloudy sky sent shivers down my spine as the images replayed in my head. Even Edward could read my mind right now and I wouldn't care, I needed somebody to share the pain and misery I had to take to wake up from this nightmare.

The burning sensation in my throat grew more intense, making it hard to focus to what was happening around me. How many weeks have gone by since the last time I've hunted? Maybe some fresh deer blood would calm down my rhythm.

Sitting on my hands and knees, I had to use all my strength to find myself standing on my own feet, for a minute several tingles in my body. I stretched a little and I regretted it badly when I was about to collapse. My body felt paralyzed, still the burning wound inside of me motivating to move.

It took me a few minutes to be in hunting shape, running around the fresh smelling plants making me feel a little bit better, the rain drops from last night and dew making their aroma quite enjoyable and relaxing.

My nose scrunched as I smelled some animals, my senses were in such a bad shape that I couldn't even recognize it. In a matter of moments, I was chasing the unknown animal and I dumbly jumped and attacked it. Turns out it was a carnivore and I gladly sank my teeth into its neck, a heart wrenching sound escaping from its shattered throat. I felt unsatisfied and pitiful for the poor animal , sacrificing its life for a dead person like me. Confusion wandered around my thoughts and questions that weren't looking for a concrete answer. I've never felt this way before.

I laid down the animal and watched it with sadness clouding me. The pain in my throat grew to an almost insupportable level and dizziness slowed me down drastically.

Just when I was about to move, a horse-sized grey _wolf _ jumped in my way and I instantly fell back, the fall amplifying into my body as a long howl escaped its enormous mouth. After searching a few seconds in my memories, I realized I knew it. _It_ was Leah Clearwater, her name full of pronounced perfectly in my mind, venom making those two names contrast boldly.

She stopped right in front of me and shaped back into her slim figure, looking angry as if she came to rip my head off. _Not very far from the truth, _I thought darkly. Her perfect brown body was completely exposed to me and I felt kind of jealous, I could never look that fit and…

A strong kick in my stomach woke me up from my intensive thinking as the sharp pain made it almost unbearable. Instead of attacking her, I swiftly got up and yelled louder than I expected to.

"What the fuck is your problem!" I had the permanent urge inside to punch her, but somehow I managed to keep my animalistic side inside, far away from exposing into the shadows of the day.

"My problem is that you are being one bitchy skunk and bringing Jake down! " her fierce growls raised my anger to the limits.

" Since when do you give a fuck about him? Huh?" I punched her, almost losing her balance. I could have pushed her into the farthest tree if my powers were the same as before.

"Chiquita, you're not the only one wanting Jacob. There is competition. Whoever wins, wins Jacob's heart." She half growled, pushing me back on the ground. These falls would cause me at least some pretty major bruises, but what made me hurt was the fact that he could abandon me for her. Not an impossible thing and I suddenly felt scared for my faith.

Using all my force, I got back up and my instincts urged me to jump at her neck. Before jumping, I felt a pair of frozen arms hold me back. I tried escaping the tight grip, only to fail more and my father's voice sent me shivers down my spine. "You stay right in the place you are, Renesmee."

I hissed at Leah, who ran away and shifted back into her bitch form. _Oh wait she's always a bitch._

"GO TO HELL, RIGHT IN THE PLACE YOUR FATHER IS BURNING RIGHT NOW!" My voice sounded scandalously raged and insane.

"Calm down." Dad whispered softly to me. "It's not worth it, honey. Breathe. "

I tried my best to not get angry again and who knows, flip off my father too and I think, from reading my thoughts, that he kind of appreciated. Soon, my mother joined us and asked me if I am alright, the truth is I wasn't , but I tried acting. Seems like I got another "talent" from my mother and dad chuckled darkly at my thoughts.

"Now seriously, Nessie, are you fine?" I just shrugged, showing them the minor cuts that were, to my surprise, hardly healing and pulsing aggressively in my bruised wrists. I need to wear the black leather wrist cuffs my family never allowed me to wear. Taking me by surprise, he picked me up fireman style with one arm and the other one connected with my mother's, whose eyes were studying me carefully. He walked fast, but not too fast to get me all dizzy and he put me down when we entered the main house. I was feeling awkward when I sat on my own feet

"Honey… I've made you cinnamon pancakes, your favorites." Esme's always happy tone brightened me up a little. " But go change into something more comfortable and take a nice, relaxing bath. " Nodding my head lightly, peaking at her in the kitchen. Her radiant smile made my heart drench for a second, but I forced myself to move.

When I entered the bathroom and closed the door silently, I stripped down from my now-dirty white t-shirt, white skinny pants and I was glad Alice didn't see the way I looked. She would probably have one of those terrifying looks on her cute face, her eyes looking ready to attack you. Maybe with a death glare. I let out a small laugh that ended up as a whimper as soon as I touched my ribs. I took down my white lacy bra and stared at the dark mark on my skin and gulped, but decided to move over.

Just before I could enter the bath tub, I walked by the huge mirror that made me feel self conscious in the worst moments possible. My feet abruptly stopped and stared at the unrecognizable reflection my eyes had to meet.

In my entire life I've never been so skinny and hungry-looking and to be honest, I wanted my curves back. My skin was white as chalk and I didn't feel comfortable anymore, so I opened the water. When it was almost full, trying not to look into that mirror again, I took a bottle of lavender foaming salt and poured half of it into the water. The water felt holy against my dirty body and I tilted my head back, enjoying the silent moments I had for myself.

Uncontrollable shivers escaped from my dry lips as my fingertips massaged the entrance of my clit. I pushed my index finger further, trying to find _that _magic place and soon enough, I was panting and moving my finger, in and out. I stopped when I was about to scream, but only to add another finger and push harder. My hips were now practically _humping_ my hand, but it felt so right, so pleasurable….

I felt my insides turn and my breathing became frantic at best. I let my head fall back once again as my fingers pushed harder and harder. My head was spinning, sweat drops started falling from my face once again. A _different wetness _ With my left hand shaking, I brought it up and another scent made my nostrils tingle. White liquid mixed with the Lavender water ran down my long finger and I brought it nervously, to my lips. It tasted… like nothing, mostly.

Trying to act like nothing happened, I washed my body rapidly and slipped out of the water, the smell making my stomach hurl. I realized they would be waiting for me. I remembered Jasper and Edward had their special ways to find out how I felt right now and I could feel the blood burning my cheeks, but I didn't want to look like I am hesitating, so I hurried up and put on black matching underwear , black sweat pants and a dark grey t-shirt, something none of my family members would approve, but who cares. As soon as I finished with pulling my hair up in a ponytail, I carefully stepped on the cold marble, feeling… strange.

I walked to the kitchen and settled down, where a big pile of pancakes seemed so delicious, and of course, a modern-looking glass of water. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at their punctuality. Esme looked at me, her golden eyes screaming at me with fear, as if I was going to criticize her for her food. Instead, I complimented her.

"This looks amazing and its taste is probably divine. Thank you, Esme." I flashed a little smile.

"I'm glad you like them honey…"

I took a bite out of one and I slowly chewed it. It didn't taste like nothing at first, but then, it hit me.

I dropped the pancake and I ran, full vampire speed to the little bathroom downstairs as I threw out all of it. My mother's hands were on my back, probably dead worried and I felt my father's presence, too. After finishing, I cleaned my mouth with some water and brushed my teeth, trying to get rid of that nasty taste stuck on my tongue.

This wasn't normal at all. Not even for me, a vampire-human hybrid, living in the supernatural world, full of much stronger creatures than this mixture I was. Breathing unevenly, I showed my mother if I could stay alone for a little while, in my room. She nodded and she opened herself to dad, who understood and they disappeared. Wow, that was pretty easy. Plus, I think they wanted to do _something_ today. I scrunched my nose in disgust and a light laugh came from downstairs, smooth voice of Edward's.

I sighed, wondering if me and **him **could ever go this far… _Stop this, stupid bitch. You'll never have him. He doesn't want you, isn't that clear? _I mentally scolded myself and I curled into a ball, tears falling from my eyes faster and faster. Suddenly, a vibration woke me up from the temporary depression I was in. I wiped my eyes with one of my hands and grabbed my phone.

_42 Missed Calls – Jacob_

I gulped when I saw his name pop on the screen again and I set it down, next to me and cried harder. But, at the third ring, not really knowing why, I grabbed it and answered.

"Ness?" his voice sounded hysterical and hurting. "A-Are you alright? Are you safe? Can I talk with you about something?..."

"There's space for so much more." I said, my voice sort of angry and roughly broken. "What do you need?"

"A-are you crying?" he stuttered, worried. "Nessie, about last night- "

"Nothing happened. I'm fine. " I interrupted him, the venom and sharpness really sensitive in my tone. "You know what, I'll come to La Push. Meet me at the cliffs. You'll find me there. I am not going to hurt myself through a telephone." I left him no chance to answer and I painfully hit the "End" button.

I felt my bruises hurt as I got up and grab a pair of black jeans and a black t-shirt, a black hoodie over it with my Kurt Cobain hi top Converse, the only clothes I owned and loved. I realized that my parents weren't there when I left and I snatched some money before anybody could see. Holding my hand over my ribs, I ran to La Push, wondering what he had to say. Nothing in my favor, I guess. Maybe he'll just criticize me for yelling those things to Leah.

Who knows.

_i hope you liked it. :) And if you didn't... I'm sorry for letting you down. :(_


	4. Chapter 4

_I will keep it really short this time, because I know I'm really late, but so many things are going on now I can't even remember some things._

_Thanks foe the reviews and I hope you like this chapter. _

_I own nothing but a dollar.  
_

If everyone cared  
And nobody died  
If everyone loved  
And nobody lied  
If everybody shared  
And swallowed their pride

Then we'd see the day when nobody died.

- If Everyone Cared, Nickelback

The speed of my legs lowered as soon as my eyes were greeted by the cloudy La Push beach. I stopped a little, taking a deep breath of the frozen air and exhaled sharply at the sight of the olive-skinned man. He was patting his left foot and looked to the violent waves with concentrated eyes. His muscles were tensed and I could feel a little smile spread on my face. This is the way he behaves when he is impatient or nervous.

I looked down at my shoes as I walked next to him. His eyes instantly moved on me and I felt anxious from the silence that we both kept. Anger shadowed my fears and from nowhere, my voice raised a few octaves.

"That's how sadist you are, Jake? Does my misery amuse you? I didn't know you're this way." My voice seemed sharp as a razor.

He just shifted uncomfortably, rubbing his hands slightly as he forced himself to look in my eyes. Fortunately, I was tall enough to break his empty stares. A small quiver of my bottom lip made me realize a few tears escaped from my eyes. His right thumb wiped one of the hot tears rolling down my cheeks. In a swift moment, I slapped his hand away trying to use the energy left in my fueled body.

"Tell me, why in this world would you laugh at me this way? Kiss me an then run away with no reason? I thought you were better." My voice cracked towards the end. His fearless black eyes seemed warmer than the burning golden rays, the temperature of our souls contrasting boldly . He grabbed my wrists forcefully, a hint of hesitation and sadness in his body language and spoke, for the very first time since I've stepped on this beach.

"Renesmee, it's hard… I just can't explain it to you…Not yet…" He stuttered, trying to find another pathetic excuse to get away. Instead of letting him go, I pressed my finger tips against his cheek, showing him my opinion in flashes. My thoughts transferred in his mind faster than the speed of light, a sudden headache blurring me out of the image. He must have realized the incredibly fast change of emotions because his grip tightened .

"Ness! Are you okay?" My eyes closed for a moment, refreshing my vast thoughts and memories, putting them back in order. He must have noticed I flinched when I saw his arms, now wrapped around my waist, because he almost let go of me. My eyes were now glued to the ground, too embarrassed to even meet his glance.

"What can't you explain? And why?..." I whispered. " … If you want to throw me out of your life without no signs of existence, that's fine, but please, just try to explain me what in the rooting hell is happening!"

Lifting my head up just a little, the image of his dejected eyes persisted in my mind, giving me these cold shivers inside haunted me as his mouth hanged open just a little, as if he was getting ready to speak, but then he closed again and dropped his head. I was glad he did this, because I don' think I could take one of those emotive looks on his face without shedding a few tears. Unwillingly, I gave up to my stubbornness and put my hand under his chin, lifting his head up a little with my thumb. The sensation I felt while brushing my fingers against his slightly scratched skin was beyond words, my heart accelerated instantly. His nose scrunched a little and a shaky sigh left my lips.

"Renesmee… I don't want to hurt you. I love you. More than you may understand." He sounded so pained and suffering as he spoke.

For a second, I felt numb. I couldn't do anything, forever frozen in here, with no way of escaping. Melancholy hit me roughly, but it was a different kind. I felt love struck. And it felt good.

" Why was it so hard to say it?" I breathed, still attempting to process the idea into my mind. It wasn't easy at all.

"I thought that you wanted more freedom and I don't think your family agrees with you growing up so fast… I mean…" I interrupted him.

"Do you think I had a choice in growing up so fast? Do you think I don't want to be a fearless little child and enjoy my life as days pass slowly? And I don't care if they don't, I need you, they have no choice but accept the situation as it is. What you were about to do would hurt me more than anything could, Jake. I felt rejected. I thought you just didn't want me. Try not walking away from your feelings, especially from those that would give their own lives just to know that.." Stopping, I noticed that my bottom lip was quivering violently.

He sat in silence and dropped his face. Precious minutes were wasted, minutes in which I could have done much more helpful stuff rather than mentally begging for any kind of answer from him. Seeing that I wasn't going to get one very soon, I silently stepped aside from him and with slow, calm steps, I walked back to the woods. He, unfortunately, must have heard me moving and came after me much faster than I expected. I sighed. Why was I always the one breaking the silence?

His powerful arms made me face him, his black eyes piercing through my scared little heart. His fingers softly brushed against my right cheek and the wild side of him seemed to be tamed just like that. I couldn't hold it all inside and I turned my head to the other side, something warm blocking my vision. His thumb immediately wiped away the solitary tear that ran on my porcelain skin and his seething voice echoed in my head.

"Let me show you I'm not like that, Ness. Just… give me one more chance. I'm not the kind of man to mess with girls' feelings, trust me. One more chance and I'll prove you that I live to worship you." Before I could even open my chapped lips, his ended up on mine, in a passionate kiss.

Our lips synchronized and tongues danced gracefully in each other's mouth with this hopeless passion we both couldn't resist to. Continuous moans harmonized along with our accelerated heart beats. The pleasure I've felt was stunning, words couldn't explain the feelings that were rapidly running through my body. I was in the Ninth Sky, floating above the clouds in Nirvana, with no worries pressing on my shoulders. Everything was perfect.

We took a short break, his sweet flavor still stuck on my tongue. I deeply inhaled his ragged breath and I saw him smiling, a faded shade of pink finding its place on Jacob's cheeks. I sighed lightheaded and couldn't help but laugh at my reaction.

"What's so funny, babe?" he smirked, winking at me, but it was obvious that he was still struck by the kiss we just shared.

"I… You….We…" I stuttered, failing to express my thoughts correctly; or at all; through words and I touched his face.

_Yesterday, this seemed impossible. I'm still not familiar with this love and happiness crushing inside of me._

"Me neither." He grinned and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"You're dumb as a rock. Did you know t-that?" I stuck my tongue out. His eyes widened. When I realized what I just said, my eyes were about to pop out.

"…Did you just say…What I thought you said?" he asked, eying me mysteriously. I shook my head fast and tried to hold in laughter. Of course, I failed once again. He was just so funny and entertaining, still so serious and loving. I am headfirst over him.

Since I couldn't deny my joke anymore, I decided to play along a little game and skipped farther, giggling. He didn't need to shape because in just a few jumps, he was just behind me. We were laughing as we were running to Emily's house.

When I saw Emily laughing with Leah, I stopped and narrowed my eyes. Just when, Jacob wrapped his arms around my waist, whispered in my ear "Gotcha.". A wide smile spread on my face once again and those amazing yet so strange tingles built up in my stomach once again. His lips pressed against my neck and I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of his teeth slightly biting my neck.

"Hey Ness!"

Following my instincts only, I immediately pushed Jacob away, opening my eyes wide, as if I committed a terrible crime. Turns out it was Seth , whose eyes were huge, giving us a questioning look. I nodded my head slightly embarrassed and ashamed. Jake just grinned.

"Glad to see you two are together now; I don't think I could take another night with Jake's melancholic howls. Dude, I mean seriously!" Embry's noisy voice made me shiver a little. He must have noticed because he massaged my shoulders and I was more than thankful.

"Oh Renesmee! You two make such a great couple!" Emily jumped into the discussion . I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable, but instead I just nodded and smiled. "Hey, do you want to come inside a little, so I can tell you about something? Please? It's really important."

"Sure, I guess." I looked at Jacob with a worried expression, but he assured me that nothing was wrong, so I walked inside, scrunching my nose at the unpleasant smell of the devil. As we entered through the slightly molding wooden door of Sam and Emily's bedroom, I no longer felt secure. I was in a room with a deadly shape-shifter and a powerless human, not that I ever had extraordinary strength. Or at least something special.

"Why the fuck is this bitch here?" she screamed, sending shivers down my spine.

"I'm not a bitch, I'm a vampire, thank you. " I hissed back, flashing a smile just to push the limits further. Leah started shaking a little, but Emily was right next to us, so a fight would be the least necessary thing to do right now.

"Stop this. Please. " Vulnerability and fear filled her eyes with tears. She blinked away a few of them and the room sank in silence once again. Embarrassed of the awkward situation, I looked away from her glance and thoughtfully examined the pictures of the lovely couple placed on the baby blue walls, giving the room a vintage aspect. The corners of my mouth lifted up a little.

"Okay, I want to forget about this conflict. " Emily finally spoke and both of us turned our head back at her. "You know me and Sam are engaged…" Leah winched a bit at this. "We have decided to finally get married!"

"That's great!" An unexpected, excited side of me revealed itself from the dark. Both women watched me with curious eyes , but for once, I decided to stay silent on this subject and move on. " When and where are you planning to get married? Maybe I can tell Alice you're getting married. She'll be more than enchanted to organize yet another wedding."

Leah rolled her eyes, as usual, while Emily nodded, her scarred cheeks were the shade of burned roses. A huge smile plastered on her face as she started counting something in her mind.

"I was thinking I could get married in one month…" I interrupted her, shocked.

"One month only ? Wow, that's fast!" Realizing the rude way I stopped her from developing her idea, I gave her an "I'm sorry" looks.

" We've been together for so long and I thought that it's the perfect time. Plus, I don't want my wedding to be extremely elegant, if you know what I mean…" She stuttered. I was jealous on her personality, the shy but friendly one, unlike mine. I was, in every way possible, disgusting and creepy. I tried my best keeping a sigh from escaping my sore throat and I forced a smile while speaking again.

"And where? It's intriguing me."

"Well, I've been thinking about New York…. We've never got the chance to visit this fantastic city, so I figured out, why not?" Her tongue made out the words the fastest way possible, probably not to hurt Leah.

The urge of gasping for a breath of air was immense, but I didn't want to give Emily the illusion of something unpleasant, so I giggled instead. My stomach rumbled once again and the dream, with all the adrenaline and misery, built up in my heart again. I didn't realize how hard I was gripping my pants, but when I did, I instantly let go of them, apparently a strange move.

"That's a great location you chose! Seriously, Alice will jump for joy as if she took some weed. " I opened my arms to hug her, but she continued speaking.

"The reason why I asked you to come here, to talk to you, is that I want you two to be my bridesmaids, if I'm not asking for too much…."

Leah just nodded and I faked my excitement this time. I couldn't get over the coincidence of the frustrating dream and reality. Was this dream predicting the stuff that just might happen in a matter of weeks? My soul was wrenched in fear and pain, but I was definitely not going to tell that to anybody. Not that I can ever keep a secret in my house…

"So you two accept this?" We nodded.

Noticing that Emily had a few tears in her eyes, I embraced her into a hug and soon, the devil joined. We stayed like that for a very few moments, because personally, I could hardly wait anymore to see Jake. As soon as I let go of the tiny woman, I rushed through the door. When I could feel the cold, fresh air of a normal day in La Push in my lungs, my eyes wandered around, searching for him.

"He's in the garage."

Seth's sudden appearance made me jump in surprise. He laughed a little at my ordinary reaction and I just gave him a glare. Still, I couldn't resist but put on a smile. He was an unbelievably great friend.

"Thanks."

While walking at a normal pace, just a bit faster than usual, I thought about speaking to him about this minor thing on my mind. Finally, when I arrived, I decided to not spill anything, words are harmful and God knows what could happen after this. He might even think that I'm mental.

"Hello, beautiful."

I turned to the left, the place from where the radiant voice came from. The thin, black material of his shirt accentuated his muscles and a crooked smile was lighting up his dark eyes. His perfection intimidated me for a while, but that wasn't going to stop me now from feeling like a person. As I got closer to him, he immediately pulled me into a tight hug, wrapping his arms around my waist. My hands instinctively moved to his neck and we both breathed each other's air before our lips melted together in a perfect kiss.

He suddenly lifted me up and put me on his car's hood and kissed me more intensely. We both got breathless in a matter of minutes, but before I could even manage to speak, his lips were on my neck, sucking and biting that sensitive spot again. Losing my self-control, I let out a loud moan and it must have urged him to go on. He rubbed my hips and another moan built its way inside again. I could feel the wetness in my underwear grow bigger. The smell of arousal floated in the already loaded atmosphere. When he lifted his head up, I felt a little disappointed, but still satisfied.

"You're aroused." Was the only thing he could say.

"You too."

It was a really odd conversation for us, the awkwardness in our words was evident. I grew tired again and involuntary, I let out a little yawn. He noticed, because he carried me in his arms all the way back to his house, although I refused to be treated this way. He was just so opponent and kind, the contrary of me.

As he opened the door, I saw Billy watching some movie at the new Plasma screen our family gave him as a gift. He was eating some leftovers of the pizza Jake ordered a while ago. His never aging eyes were shining bright at the sight of us, a smile spreading on his lips.

"I see you kids finally figured something out. Good luck, I guess." He grinned at us.

I couldn't help but laugh. He always was the person to loosen up things a little when something wasn't right. Sometimes I felt like he is the parent I need, someone who understands me, at least partially. I cannot imagine my life without his presence.

"Thanks dad. " Jacob laughed, his voice still a little breathless. I also smiled. "We're going to sleep."

"Okay, folks. Don't do anything you'll regret now!" He said as we walked to Jacob's bedroom.

I felt strange now that my relationship with Jake developed to another level and I was going to spend the night in bed with the man I loved the most. It sent shivers down my spine, but I couldn't be more excited. This was much better than having to cry all night long while my parents are fucking hysterically just a room away from me. This was much better than writing depressing poetry while eating sour chocolate and watching shows with filthy rich teenagers who spent their life in vain. It was better than anything.

He put me on his bed and, being my old lazy self, I pulled off my shoes, forgetting about the laces. He pulled his t-shirt and pants off, remaining only in a pair of gray boxers. As he searched for a pair of sweats in the little, but nice room , I couldn't help but stare at him. He finally realized my eyes were about to pop off, he grinned and walked towards me. I got up and, laughing, I tried running away. Of course he wouldn't let me get away this fast and chased me around.

"What were you staring at?" he laughed as he grabbed me.

"Ah, somebody help, I'm getting kidnapped!" I mocked horror as he pushed me on his bed. We once again kissed , but he got up and turned the lights on. When I could feel the warmth of his body pressed on me once again, my eyes could finally close. His ragged breath made me smile.

"I love you." He whispered in my ear.

"I love you too."

Although the love and joy that filled my heart made me float in Nirvana, the worry shamefully kept my mind restless almost the entire night. Still, I felt untouchable in his arms, the only place I felt like I really belonged in.


End file.
